Saturday, December 27, 2008

Christmas --- rough start, excellent ending

OK ladies and gents, this is going to be a long one, so if you intend to read on, fix a mug of your favorite bev, curl up with a warm blanket and get comfy because I've been itching to write this and I've got a lot to say. AND, I finally have time to write it. The mini-munchkin is getting some quality time with the baby mama's mama and the munchkin is laying down next to me coloring me a picture.

So....

(why don't they have underline on this blog thing?)

Christmas Eve

As you know, my sister is likely getting a divorce and the BIL's mom and sis came from jolly old England for Christmas and he wanted to spend time with his fam alone so Drunkella had Christmas with us.

My Mom picked sis up from work and took her home to get her overnight bag and pick up her two fat cats. Apparently there was drama there because she didn;t bother to pack beforehand and took FOREVER getting her stuff together, THEN, after they left to come to my house, she forgot something and they had to turn around.

Whatever, right? Not too, too bad, especially for my sister.

Well, as soon as they got here, they were unloading the cats and getting them set up in the basement and sis says she has got to get changed and runs upstairs to the guest bedroom. Well, she comes down about 10 minutes later and it's obvious she's been drinking (slurring words, stumbling some). So she goes out for a cig and my Mom (heartbroken at the prospect of my sister drunk on Christmas Eve, no less) goes up to the room to see where sis hid the booze. (It was obviously her booze since all my booze is locked away, either behind a key pad or under lock and key).

So, Mom ends up finding 4 pint-size vodka bottles, and two are half empty. Well, about this time sis comes up to the bedroom and is even more drunk (major slurring, barely talking above a wisper [unless she wants to yell and scream], can't keep her head up, beligerent behavior).

Mom and I both are feeling about a million different emotions. My sister has done a lot of things, but drinking on Christmas Eve, that's a first. Plus, I'm worried about my kids being there (no worries, they weren't exposed to any of her behavior). Plus, my brother and sister were coming at that point in about 2 hours and I was afraid that when they say the state sis was in they'd just leave. Also, Mom and I had to finish cooking, which we were behind on. Lastly, I had friends dropping in all night off and on (which is normal) and I was worried they'd see her (which some did and I was *mortified*....)

Mom and I try to talk to sis. She starts her normal bullshit, blaming everything on my mother (who, for the record, is, despite a few faults, a wonderful woman, and doesn;t deserve 95% of sis's bs).

She irrational, screaming at my Mom, I lose my temper. She's being ridiculous, at one point insinuating that her behavior isn't her fault because "drinking is genetic" and "Papaw was an alcoholic." This last bit was designed to upset my mother and isn;t even true. The truth is that my grandpa had two pediods in his life when he drank: once in the late 30s-early 40s when my oldest uncle was a little boy (way before my Mom was born) and once again in the mid 70s after my grandparents got a divorce and Papaw married a horrible woman.

Anyway, sis is ridiculous, begging for the vodka back, swearing she'll just stay up in her room and not come out for dinner.

We end up getting her to come down. She sobers up a bit. Starts hugging us every five minutes and crying (which is very annoying when you're trying to cook). She insists on doing a back flip in the family room to prove she can still do one (she used to be a gymnast).

At one point a friend of mine stops by to exchange presents. Sis hugs him and cries. She doesn't even know him. He doesn;t know her. They've never met. I am mortified. He leaves.

I suggest sis go upstairs, brush teeth (she smells like a brewry/cig factory) and wash face (major racoon eyes). Of course, I keep the ( ) to myself. I go up to my bedroom to brush teeth, check myself, etc. Sis comes in, inform me she forgot her toothbrush, asks if I have mouthwash. I do, but I lie and tell her no. I know from past experience that she will take it and drink it to get drubk from the alcohol in it. She gets pissed, never even bother to clean her face to attempts to do something about her breath.

When bro and sis-in-law do show up, sis is somewhat better. Not slurring as much. Still, she jumps up in bro's arms and hugs him, making him carry her like that into kitchen. Her behavior is painful to watch. All through dinner she tries to follow the convo but is about five minutes behind, randomly saying something about a topic we had finished discussing some time ago, that sort of thing.

Thankfully the worst of sis's outburst took place upstairs while munchkin was in the basement playing with cats. Dinner was late and munchkin was already sleeping so he didn;t witness any of this. He's young but I'm scared he will pick up on things and I don't want him to see that.

After dinner, sis slumps in chair, nearly passes out. Thankfully she goes to bed without incident.

Christmas Day

Thankfully, sis is mostly sober Christmas morning and much more normal. Everyone opens up their stockings (yes, we all have stockings, not just the munchkins, haha) and then we open up some of the presents.

I can;t describe, it might be a weird feeling, but I think it's pride I feel when I watch Chaz open up his presents. He's an excitable kid normally, but Christmas opushes over the top, 200%. He is so excited about Santa and the presents that he can;t stop giggling and it's adorable.

Yes, I am way past officially kid-tarded and I think everything (well, not everything) my kids do is cute. But seriously, it was sooooo cute. Luckily you Moms understand :)

Afta-afta we have some breakfast and my bro has to leave to go be with his wife's family. We hang out with my Mom for a few hours (with friends stopping in too) before Mom leave to go be with her man's family for a while. Sis also leaves.

Before she does, I take her aside and tell her she's not welcome in my home again until I see that she's makign efforts to deal with her alcoholism and quit drinking, something I haven;t seen up to this point. This obviously upset her. I really don;t care about her feelings in that moment. Actually I'm relieved.

Cesar comes over Christmas Day-night. Perfect timing since all the visitors have trickled down and we get some alone time together. We exchange gifts and it's funny because of each of our gifts to each other is clothes (which is a very gay-couple thing to do). We go try them on. Cesar looks hotttttt. Visions dance thru my head, and it's not sugar plums.

I have a his and his closet (which is only slightly different than a his and hers) and one side is empty. Cesar sees this and, points toward the empty side, asks if that is his side, smiling. I'm caught up. I tell him soon probably, smiling back.

Christmas nookie ensues. Everything is slower, we take our time. The room is warm, the bed is war, everything is very warm. I enjoy exploring the contours of hi body. I remember noticing that his skin is A LOT softer then most guys I've been with.

I like looking at his eyes in the moment. I've never understood couples that never look at each other. He has a certain twinkle in his eyes I've noticed before.

He seems an open book in daily life and in bed. He is open, and I like this very much.

My frirnds tell me that this partially likely due to his Hispanic culture. (Ceasr is partially Puerto Rican, Cuban and Dominican). The reason why isn;t so much important me to. I just like it.

The Day After Christmas

We sleep in as late as we can (which isn;t late) and Cesar eventually has to leave to go take care of hsi things, plus I have to go into work to chek on some things, take care of some things, etc., etc.

From an earlier blog you'll remember that Cesar's Mom had given me a letter beasically saying she wanted to meet me, etc., etc. [See Cesar update if you don;t know what I'm talking about]

Well, Cesar told me she wanted me and him to come to her house last night so I could meet her, la la la. I was a little nervous but didn;t let on to him. I got the impression it would be small and low key and just maybe some of his family. I was a little nervous because I didn;t know exactly what tyo expect and I like being prepared. So I called my friend Danny and he explained some things and prepared me (thanks Danny).

I ended up bring over some flowers for Cesar's Mom, some wine and some leftover goodies.

It was actually really great meeting his family. It was a little overwhelming because I'm not used to large family (and Cesar's is pushing 30 just with his parents, sib and their families) but I had a great time, and I could see how close Cesar is to them, and they are supportive and happy people. And happy to meet me. And really just happy that their son/brother/uncle is happy.

I have more to write but you probably all stopped reading ages ago, and Chaz is restless.

Hope you all had good Christmases!

-B

3 comments:

Lady with a View said...

DB ~ Thanks for your comment on my blog!

Second - you handled your sister beautifully and the ensuing drama.

At some point - you can't protect your kids from seeing the truth. I have found that there is some blessing in that.

With all of the addicts in my husbands family - my kids have had a bird eyes view of the consequences of drugs and alcohol and it has had a positive effect I didn't anticipate...they know they don't want to walk down that road. I've educated them - been honest with them - and I find that they are making some excellent choices. They have already been in some tough situations with friends/peers and have made the right decision. They have seen my husbands meth-addicted brother be homeless. They have seen their own father struggle with alcohol. They want nothing to do with it. I protected them when they were little - like yours - but eventually they started asking questions anyway. It was then that I decided to educate them and just lead by example. It worked.

I'm glad you had such a great Christmas - and it sounds like you have found someone special with a very good family.

Have a great weekend...and I'm still wondering what kind of "friday" posts we will be seeing.....

David Ray said...

Not Distractingly Bombastic - bombastic with information! It wasn't at all tiring reading this, though. I like them long and firm (the blog entries, that is. I like long and firm blog entries, hehe...)

So, after my little stupidity crisis a line above, I'm going back to normality...

I'm actually very sorry your sister partially ruined Christmas for everyone. I can't even stand in your shoes because I was always so far away from something of the sort, that I have a great difficulty imagining how it must feel. I never had a drop of alcohol in my life and I've only seen once someone I loved drunk and it was beyond anything I can express. You sister keeps making mistakes and -obviously- doesn't learn from them. I know you might not want to hear this, but since you have Cesar now, maybe it's time for you to disassociate from a member of your family that will cause you distress (and possibly your children too) in the future. As long as you let her, she's always going to find a way around it to hurt you or your mother or your kids -metaphorically so and otherwise. So, my advise is (and sorry for taking the liberty - I usually see no lines only after I've crossed them) don't let her affect you anymore. Detach yourself from her grasp and help her only if you know you can.

I'm glad your Christmas day smelled of a jovial air though. And you don't need to apologize for finding everything your kids do "cute." I don't have any kids but I do know exactly how it feels. Having children changes you - makes you a better person - fills you with feelings of heartfelt origins. So don't apologize for loving too much.

And I'm ever more glad you spent quality time with Cesar and his family. In every new blog entry of yours I read about him I'm getting closer to the sensation that he means a lot to you and that you really love him. I know we've never met, but I am truly happy for you. I know you deserve to be. (Gotta love it when I become such a drama queen! Too much Project Runway-watching is to blame!)

So -finally concluding this endless comment (got back to my old ways, you see)- I sympathize with you for having to deal with your sister's irrational behavior but I'm thankful Christmas 2008 was splendid for you in the end. My Christmas was deadening as hell and the only person who could make it better is in Vermont and it just sucks! But I'm going to Paris for New Year's so at least I have something to look forward to. And since I will be there, I'm not going to be able to wish you on time; Happy New Year, Brian. May you have a magical 2009...

Kalei said...

Congrats on standing tall to your sisters addiction. I am sorry she is so far into it, that is a dark place I can only nightmare about.

It wasn't a password I mentioned, it is a button, like the sitsta's button that links you straight to their site. If you start that special day of the week post about something secret. =) I am not very good at the whole bloggy buttons and linking thing, but if you email Tiffany and Heather, I bet they will hook you up with some knowledge.....

Here is my word verification to leave this comment: ingan....: Wow I think the PC term is "native americans" these days, jeez!