Thursday, January 8, 2009

What's been going on -- feedback requested and appreciated.

I haven't been thinking about blogs, or reading blogs, or blogging lately.

So...sorry to the few people's blogs I read, if you missed my comments... If you didn't, then....ok then, haha. Oh, and Bloggity I know I was tagged. I'm going to do that tomorrow.

Today's blog is just for a write. I want to write and get a few things out of my head.

At the bakery I've been experimenting with cookie-brownies, a brownie cookie mix, in the shape and texture of a brownie but with a sort of half brownie/half cookie center. They have a distinctive, pleasant taste unlike traditional brownies and, although I'm just experimenting at this point, people seem to like them when they try the samples.

The craziness of Christmas and New Years has subsided and the munchkins are back to a normal routine. Tomorrow they will go to their Mom's and for once I'm looking forward to the time alone (alone, and alone with Cesar). I've been really tired this week and I need to reinvigorate this weekend.

On the sister front, surprise, surprise, she's still a mess of an alcoholic. Monday night I got a call from my Mom and sis had drank a couple bottles of hand sanitizer.... She never fails to dissapoint me. Thank god I banished her from my home but she still has the power to pofoundly effect my mood. I just don't know what's going to happen to her. I imagine she'll end up dead one way or another within a few years. I can still remember her before she really started drinking, a totally different person. The person she has become makes me cringe. The prospect of seeing her, spending time with her, makes me sick to my stomach.

I called Cesar late Monday night (early morning?) just to say hey, talk, blow off steam, hear his voice, feel better, remember what's important, etc.

I didn't say much in an older blog about meeting his family because I needed to end the blog at the time, but they all made me feel really welcome and they seemed genuinely curious about me and happy to meet me. I kept waiting to meet the one or two homophobic douchebags in every family, but they never materialized. It was nice being around them. It was nice being around people who aren't guarded, who don't need a lot of prerequisites met before they accept someone. It was nice being around a family that is so obviously close.

Back to the call Monday night tho, I was laying in bed, stretched out on top of the covers, aware of, but choosing not to dwell on the fact that my bed seems enormous when there's only one person in it when Cesar asks, "How come I'm not in your bed with you right now?" I laughed a little and said something like, "Good question."

We talked some more, and he brought up living together, down the road. He said if we lived together we could effectively make the home like a safe cocoon, not totally untouchable by upsetting things like my sis, but we wouldn't be as affected if we were together. At least that was the jist. He also reminded me of how he's not afraid of the responsibility of children, how he could easily sublet, and how he's just waiting for me to be ready for things to progress, to give the go-ahead.

Of course that's not gonna happen for a while. There are a few things I need to deal with and a few things he needs to deal with before that happens. But, barring any unforseen events, it's going to happen.

I think he knows how badly I want him here, even tho I have to play it cool and casual, and not to mention be a responsible father. Because I'll have to ease Chaz into this, before it happens.

But am I crazy?

It feels right.

Feedback is good.....


The Rambler said...

I think it's great to be in the beginnings of a relationship and you can see it going forward into the sunset instead of the trash.

Like you said though, because your a father, take it slow. And make sure it's really really great before your kids get involved/attached to someone else...blah blah you know right. I hate sounding like it's preaching.

He sounds like a great guy and hope all goes well for you both :)

Er, brownie cookies...are you crazy? Send some my way so I can do "market research" for you. You know so you can say....loved from PA all the way to Hawaii...:) Just thinking...:)

Penz said...

well, I have to say that I am so happy for you. It seems as though you know what you want to do, and you also understand what you need to do in order for things to work out for you and Cesar. Having a family is tough and getting the kids to know and love someone else is tough. If it doesn't work out not only does it affect you, but also the kids. But you know that, thats why you are taking it for your sister, that would be what my MIL is turning into. Its a bit scary to see and deal with. Just pray for her and hope that she doesn't die...

As for the cookies..are you crazy! Anything with the small name or inuendo of "brownie" in it is going to be a hit. Brownies are the only food that I have to say I will willingly eat a whole pan in one day. Even if they are dried out or burnt, I still eat the damn things... anyway, hope you have a great day. Oh, and somedays, I wish I wasn't a woman either ;)

Kalei said...

It is always so difficult when kids are involved. You are the only one that can make that decision. If I were you, I would also let your son's mother have a little bit of input (if the relationship between you is open) as this person will be around "her" son(s?) as well. I like that you are moving forward so well and with a very practical out look. Cesar sounds really great though as well as his family. when the family is good-you know the person has got great morality and a great group of influences the family would also probably treat your child(ren) very well.....sounds like a winner to me!

On to baked goods....something I saw but did not taste: Cake-Pie! You could signature it and even make little cupcake size ones. It had something to do with fudge falling to the bottom and the cake was on top all in a tasty shell....yummmmmmm! I know I know its probably a back woods sort of dish and I have been hangin with too many Yinzers, but Yummmmmmm! You don't have to do the tag....only if you want to. I kind of feel (lately) that tags feel like chain letters....which I am not super found of, but once I commit I don't back down.

okay so the Word Veri: Learbow
....sounds like something similar to a UNIBROW only it involves the full length of the face from ear to ear......geez, I would probably get some Veet or Nair for that learbow!

Danny C said...

Oops, meant to leave the brownie comment here. Send nonetheless!!!