I haven't been thinking about blogs, or reading blogs, or blogging lately.
So...sorry to the few people's blogs I read, if you missed my comments... If you didn't, then....ok then, haha. Oh, and Bloggity I know I was tagged. I'm going to do that tomorrow.
Today's blog is just for a write. I want to write and get a few things out of my head.
At the bakery I've been experimenting with cookie-brownies, a brownie cookie mix, in the shape and texture of a brownie but with a sort of half brownie/half cookie center. They have a distinctive, pleasant taste unlike traditional brownies and, although I'm just experimenting at this point, people seem to like them when they try the samples.
The craziness of Christmas and New Years has subsided and the munchkins are back to a normal routine. Tomorrow they will go to their Mom's and for once I'm looking forward to the time alone (alone, and alone with Cesar). I've been really tired this week and I need to reinvigorate this weekend.
On the sister front, surprise, surprise, she's still a mess of an alcoholic. Monday night I got a call from my Mom and sis had drank a couple bottles of hand sanitizer.... She never fails to dissapoint me. Thank god I banished her from my home but she still has the power to pofoundly effect my mood. I just don't know what's going to happen to her. I imagine she'll end up dead one way or another within a few years. I can still remember her before she really started drinking, a totally different person. The person she has become makes me cringe. The prospect of seeing her, spending time with her, makes me sick to my stomach.
I called Cesar late Monday night (early morning?) just to say hey, talk, blow off steam, hear his voice, feel better, remember what's important, etc.
I didn't say much in an older blog about meeting his family because I needed to end the blog at the time, but they all made me feel really welcome and they seemed genuinely curious about me and happy to meet me. I kept waiting to meet the one or two homophobic douchebags in every family, but they never materialized. It was nice being around them. It was nice being around people who aren't guarded, who don't need a lot of prerequisites met before they accept someone. It was nice being around a family that is so obviously close.
Back to the call Monday night tho, I was laying in bed, stretched out on top of the covers, aware of, but choosing not to dwell on the fact that my bed seems enormous when there's only one person in it when Cesar asks, "How come I'm not in your bed with you right now?" I laughed a little and said something like, "Good question."
We talked some more, and he brought up living together, down the road. He said if we lived together we could effectively make the home like a safe cocoon, not totally untouchable by upsetting things like my sis, but we wouldn't be as affected if we were together. At least that was the jist. He also reminded me of how he's not afraid of the responsibility of children, how he could easily sublet, and how he's just waiting for me to be ready for things to progress, to give the go-ahead.
Of course that's not gonna happen for a while. There are a few things I need to deal with and a few things he needs to deal with before that happens. But, barring any unforseen events, it's going to happen.
I think he knows how badly I want him here, even tho I have to play it cool and casual, and not to mention be a responsible father. Because I'll have to ease Chaz into this, before it happens.
But am I crazy?
It feels right.
Feedback is good.....