Tuesday, December 30, 2008

New Years is coming!

You know what I realized? Blogging is therapeutic, even if no one reads it. And I've had a stressful week (and it's only Tuesday!) and I need some therapy, bitches!

I've had two people quit this week so that blows goats...

Plus...drama with the momma, and not the baby momma, my momma (see previous blog)

See calls me today and informs me she needs to ask me something... (in my experience this is never a good thing)

She wants to know what "we" are gonna do about sis for New Years. She thinks I "need to invite" sis to my house

Uhhhh, NOOOOO!

I tell her I have plans with friends, plus I remind her that sis isn't welcome at my house. Mom blows a gasket. I basically hear what Charlie Brown hears when the teacher talks.

I tell her to have sis at her house. That's not gonna work because Mom wants to be with man. Perfectly reasonable.

I suggest sis should be left at her house, to lay in the bed she made for herself, for once.

More squawking from Mom.

I tell her I refuse to have a repeat of Christmas. I end the conversation.

I feel shitty that I can't just make myself do what my Mom wants me to do. But I am like Mary J. Blige and want no more drama in my life.

PLUS...

Ok, I know this is a cheese factor of 12, but New Years I'm going to make it official with Cesar (be official bfs). I'm gonna have a few friends over (not too, too many) and I want it to be intimate and even a little romantical. It's probably a formality at this point but I want to try to make it kind of special and memorable, even ho all I'm doing is making it official...whatever.

Emotional outbursts are not romantical. Drunken hot messes are not romantical.

I want romantical. We shall have romantical.

Romantical, Can you tell I like the word? :)

Happy New Years blog elves and lurkers!

Wish me luck! (Yes, I can't help being nervous somehow, shut up)

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Photo Fridays!: My Mom!


YAY!


It's Saturday, but pretend like it's Friday! Because I just got my scanner Thursday! Yay! Photo Fridays! Go with it, people!


Photo Fridays is when I share a photo and blog about some aspect of my life related to the photo. YAY! You're all ecstatic, I know!


For Christmas, my Aunt sent some old pics of my Mom so I decided to start off Photo Fridays with a pic of her from high school.


Check out the hair! You all love it!


Basically one of the reasons that I wanted to share a photo of my Mom is that I really do love her. Sometimes we fight and argue, but at the end of the day I am closest to her and I wouldn't be 1/10th of the man I am today without her.


From the time I was a wee mini-munchkin she has been in my corner fighting for me, even from the time I was born and was premature and had some issues, she fought for me then.


She isn't perfect, but she is perfect in her imperfections.


Even after I came out, when we were not each other's favorite person for a few years, she came around eventually, and I always knew she loved me, Unlike me Dad who is a total douchebag, whatever.


We may not be as uber-close as Cesar and his Mom seem to be, but we have a real bond. We are there for each other when it counts,


Yes, I am a fag who loves his Mom, heheh, oh well


Photo Fridays, YAY!

Christmas --- rough start, excellent ending

OK ladies and gents, this is going to be a long one, so if you intend to read on, fix a mug of your favorite bev, curl up with a warm blanket and get comfy because I've been itching to write this and I've got a lot to say. AND, I finally have time to write it. The mini-munchkin is getting some quality time with the baby mama's mama and the munchkin is laying down next to me coloring me a picture.

So....

(why don't they have underline on this blog thing?)

Christmas Eve

As you know, my sister is likely getting a divorce and the BIL's mom and sis came from jolly old England for Christmas and he wanted to spend time with his fam alone so Drunkella had Christmas with us.

My Mom picked sis up from work and took her home to get her overnight bag and pick up her two fat cats. Apparently there was drama there because she didn;t bother to pack beforehand and took FOREVER getting her stuff together, THEN, after they left to come to my house, she forgot something and they had to turn around.

Whatever, right? Not too, too bad, especially for my sister.

Well, as soon as they got here, they were unloading the cats and getting them set up in the basement and sis says she has got to get changed and runs upstairs to the guest bedroom. Well, she comes down about 10 minutes later and it's obvious she's been drinking (slurring words, stumbling some). So she goes out for a cig and my Mom (heartbroken at the prospect of my sister drunk on Christmas Eve, no less) goes up to the room to see where sis hid the booze. (It was obviously her booze since all my booze is locked away, either behind a key pad or under lock and key).

So, Mom ends up finding 4 pint-size vodka bottles, and two are half empty. Well, about this time sis comes up to the bedroom and is even more drunk (major slurring, barely talking above a wisper [unless she wants to yell and scream], can't keep her head up, beligerent behavior).

Mom and I both are feeling about a million different emotions. My sister has done a lot of things, but drinking on Christmas Eve, that's a first. Plus, I'm worried about my kids being there (no worries, they weren't exposed to any of her behavior). Plus, my brother and sister were coming at that point in about 2 hours and I was afraid that when they say the state sis was in they'd just leave. Also, Mom and I had to finish cooking, which we were behind on. Lastly, I had friends dropping in all night off and on (which is normal) and I was worried they'd see her (which some did and I was *mortified*....)

Mom and I try to talk to sis. She starts her normal bullshit, blaming everything on my mother (who, for the record, is, despite a few faults, a wonderful woman, and doesn;t deserve 95% of sis's bs).

She irrational, screaming at my Mom, I lose my temper. She's being ridiculous, at one point insinuating that her behavior isn't her fault because "drinking is genetic" and "Papaw was an alcoholic." This last bit was designed to upset my mother and isn;t even true. The truth is that my grandpa had two pediods in his life when he drank: once in the late 30s-early 40s when my oldest uncle was a little boy (way before my Mom was born) and once again in the mid 70s after my grandparents got a divorce and Papaw married a horrible woman.

Anyway, sis is ridiculous, begging for the vodka back, swearing she'll just stay up in her room and not come out for dinner.

We end up getting her to come down. She sobers up a bit. Starts hugging us every five minutes and crying (which is very annoying when you're trying to cook). She insists on doing a back flip in the family room to prove she can still do one (she used to be a gymnast).

At one point a friend of mine stops by to exchange presents. Sis hugs him and cries. She doesn't even know him. He doesn;t know her. They've never met. I am mortified. He leaves.

I suggest sis go upstairs, brush teeth (she smells like a brewry/cig factory) and wash face (major racoon eyes). Of course, I keep the ( ) to myself. I go up to my bedroom to brush teeth, check myself, etc. Sis comes in, inform me she forgot her toothbrush, asks if I have mouthwash. I do, but I lie and tell her no. I know from past experience that she will take it and drink it to get drubk from the alcohol in it. She gets pissed, never even bother to clean her face to attempts to do something about her breath.

When bro and sis-in-law do show up, sis is somewhat better. Not slurring as much. Still, she jumps up in bro's arms and hugs him, making him carry her like that into kitchen. Her behavior is painful to watch. All through dinner she tries to follow the convo but is about five minutes behind, randomly saying something about a topic we had finished discussing some time ago, that sort of thing.

Thankfully the worst of sis's outburst took place upstairs while munchkin was in the basement playing with cats. Dinner was late and munchkin was already sleeping so he didn;t witness any of this. He's young but I'm scared he will pick up on things and I don't want him to see that.

After dinner, sis slumps in chair, nearly passes out. Thankfully she goes to bed without incident.

Christmas Day

Thankfully, sis is mostly sober Christmas morning and much more normal. Everyone opens up their stockings (yes, we all have stockings, not just the munchkins, haha) and then we open up some of the presents.

I can;t describe, it might be a weird feeling, but I think it's pride I feel when I watch Chaz open up his presents. He's an excitable kid normally, but Christmas opushes over the top, 200%. He is so excited about Santa and the presents that he can;t stop giggling and it's adorable.

Yes, I am way past officially kid-tarded and I think everything (well, not everything) my kids do is cute. But seriously, it was sooooo cute. Luckily you Moms understand :)

Afta-afta we have some breakfast and my bro has to leave to go be with his wife's family. We hang out with my Mom for a few hours (with friends stopping in too) before Mom leave to go be with her man's family for a while. Sis also leaves.

Before she does, I take her aside and tell her she's not welcome in my home again until I see that she's makign efforts to deal with her alcoholism and quit drinking, something I haven;t seen up to this point. This obviously upset her. I really don;t care about her feelings in that moment. Actually I'm relieved.

Cesar comes over Christmas Day-night. Perfect timing since all the visitors have trickled down and we get some alone time together. We exchange gifts and it's funny because of each of our gifts to each other is clothes (which is a very gay-couple thing to do). We go try them on. Cesar looks hotttttt. Visions dance thru my head, and it's not sugar plums.

I have a his and his closet (which is only slightly different than a his and hers) and one side is empty. Cesar sees this and, points toward the empty side, asks if that is his side, smiling. I'm caught up. I tell him soon probably, smiling back.

Christmas nookie ensues. Everything is slower, we take our time. The room is warm, the bed is war, everything is very warm. I enjoy exploring the contours of hi body. I remember noticing that his skin is A LOT softer then most guys I've been with.

I like looking at his eyes in the moment. I've never understood couples that never look at each other. He has a certain twinkle in his eyes I've noticed before.

He seems an open book in daily life and in bed. He is open, and I like this very much.

My frirnds tell me that this partially likely due to his Hispanic culture. (Ceasr is partially Puerto Rican, Cuban and Dominican). The reason why isn;t so much important me to. I just like it.

The Day After Christmas

We sleep in as late as we can (which isn;t late) and Cesar eventually has to leave to go take care of hsi things, plus I have to go into work to chek on some things, take care of some things, etc., etc.

From an earlier blog you'll remember that Cesar's Mom had given me a letter beasically saying she wanted to meet me, etc., etc. [See Cesar update if you don;t know what I'm talking about]

Well, Cesar told me she wanted me and him to come to her house last night so I could meet her, la la la. I was a little nervous but didn;t let on to him. I got the impression it would be small and low key and just maybe some of his family. I was a little nervous because I didn;t know exactly what tyo expect and I like being prepared. So I called my friend Danny and he explained some things and prepared me (thanks Danny).

I ended up bring over some flowers for Cesar's Mom, some wine and some leftover goodies.

It was actually really great meeting his family. It was a little overwhelming because I'm not used to large family (and Cesar's is pushing 30 just with his parents, sib and their families) but I had a great time, and I could see how close Cesar is to them, and they are supportive and happy people. And happy to meet me. And really just happy that their son/brother/uncle is happy.

I have more to write but you probably all stopped reading ages ago, and Chaz is restless.

Hope you all had good Christmases!

-B

Friday, December 26, 2008

Real fast...

I know this is supposed to be my first theme blog day, but I need to set up some new gadgetry in order to do the blog right, and I haven;t had time to set it up so the first blog I'll hopefully do this weekend and you can all just pretend it's Friday ;)

Oh plus, I have a long blog to write all about Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but no time to write at the moment, so later. Major happenings tho.

*hugs*

---b

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

No one will read this until after Christmas, but anyway....

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*massive amounts of blog love to everyone*
*e-cakes and e-cookies for everyone*
Who wants some nog?
(I actually think egg nog tastes like crap)

OK, until after Christmas,

BBBYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

-b

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Cesar update

aBecause I have a minute and because I seem to be getting into updating my blog lately, I thought I'd write up an update for the blog elves (well Lady with a View and the blog elves, because Lady informed me she's not an elf [but she's stil a blog elf]).

Like I said, Cesar came over last night to make the buckeyes (yum and yum!) and (get ready to vomit or say awwww!, depending on your mood), he brought presents!

First of all, he brought little stockings for munchkins, even the mini-munchkin, which I thought was really cute because it was filled with little hats and a onesy, and Chas' had little toys, and I dunno, it was just really cute....and I promise I'm not trying to get all queer about this, but I totall had a (silent) awwwwww! moment.

Plus, he brought card and some wine from his Mom (who I've yet to meet) and tells me to open it then.

Anyways, not to belabor, but she wrote in the card how she's heard about me and how I was making her son happy. And then I lost my cool and was all (publicly) awwww!. And she wrote that she expected to meet me soon andf maybe around Christmas.

And I have to say, there's a chance that if I wasn't so into him (and I didn;t know he was into me) I might be creeped out by it, but it just came across as sweet. And, I guess somewhat selfishly, it's nice to know that she "likes" me and she doesn't even know me. I mean, it means she cares about her son.

That means something to me. Like, if we do get together longterm, there'll be support there, you know?

Ugghh, I'm feeling way too queer right now.... heheh

But, so we made the buckeyes, and it was just nice.

Drama-free.

Ideal.

He spent the night. And aside from the bedroom (which was NICE -- but I'll spare the details since most of the elves are hetrosexual mommies and I don't know if that's a detail kind of crowd), it was nice to sleep-sleep with someone I have a connection with. AND, he wasn't weird about sleeping on my chest.

I've had such a stitastic year in spots that I'm not accustomed to being this happy -- but I'm not complaining ;)

And he'll be here in an hour so I have to get the munchkins to bed if I can and go shower.

Later

-B

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Merry Chi$tmas!

For whatever reason, this year, more than any other year, I've spent a hell of a lot more money on Christmas presents.... And this is probably because of a combination of reasons:

1. For all my hesitation and trepedation this year (and most years), I love Christmas, and I love buying people presents and watching them open them and seeing them happy.
2. The munchkin and the mini-munchkin have made me go overboard for sure. I can't help it tho, they are my boys and I love them. And Chaz is so excited for Santa and Christmas this year!
3. I have a lot of friends here and I don't want to forget any of them. Ultimately, I don't feel right not getting gifts for my friends, even the ones I'm not uber close to. For each of those type of friemds this year I got a giftcard and am going to make a platter full of edible goodies. You don't even wanna know how much I spent on giftcards, haha.
4. There is, of course, my family, and I feel like, even tho they drive me insane, a lot of them have had a tough year so I'm splurging on them. My fam meaning my Mom, my one brother, my sister, my other brother and his wife.
5. And, last but not least, there's Cesar, who I have a feeling is getting me something major, so I have to match that. Not that I don't ultimately love shopping in situations like these.

Ah well, it's just money, right?

Later tonight Cesar is coming over and we are going to make buckeyes (a peanutbutter mixture, rolled in rice krispies and coated in choclate). I know you all want some :) They're pretty awesome actually, and are my one holiday indulgence, And the poor, deprived Cesar has never had them before! So I must introduce him to buckeyes, haha!

Ah, also, FYI, after Christmas I'm going to write a new kind of blog, one like I'vve never written before. But no hints! The blog elves will have to wait :)