Mommie Dearest

OK, the title is totally uncalled for...but this is my blog...

I don;t see my mother all that often. I don't call her on the phone all the time either.

That's something she gives me a lot of crap for... Mostly because my sister seems to call her 43 times a day and my brother makes a point to call her once a day. OK, so my siblings make me look bad, at least in that respect.

I guess I don't talk to her that often because, of all her children, I live the closest to her and I feel I can see her whenever I want and don't need to be all up in her ass. Makes sense, right?

Well, I hadn;t seen her since TG, so today she calls me and wants to go shopping. I mean, I like to shop, so, fuck ya, I'll go. Plus, I needed to get a gift for a friend's birthday.

So like, blah, fast forward, I decided on a gift card as the biggest part of the gift, a Visa gift card so she can buy whatever she wants. I thought about some other more personal shit, but I didn;t want to take a chance on getting her something she didn;t like. And I know she likes free money ;)

But my mom (who, for the last few years, has gift-bombed us at birthdays and Christmas, etc., with lavish gifts), bitched at me because she thought I was paying too much money. She said, "You don;t even spend that much on your brother and sister!", all like a moose and shit.

The amount I spent isn't important (it wasn't THAT much), but the reason I don't spend much on my sibs is because they don;t spend much on me (except my half bro, we aspend a lot on each other) and a big reason for that is because my Mom tries to impose a price cap on gifts that is low.

So she just makes this huge scene in the store, being all loud and annoying, and she thinks nothing of it. She's so strange sometimes. Anyway, it embarassed me.

Egghh, I dunno, I'm over it.

Sorry for the boring blog, haha (for the handful that read it, haha)

Reflection

As I get older I find that I need very few things in order to be happy.

Sure, I need music, I need film, I need some sort of creative expression or outlet

I need Mike, I need Chas, I need SOME members of my extended family.

I need goals, I need achievement, I need to know that I'm contributing to the world in some way that is exemplary and socially responsible.

What I really need...is Mike's head on my chest as he and I sleep...or the look of wonderment in Chas' eyes that lets me know he is happy and safe.

That both of the most important men in my life are happy and safe. That's what I need to know.

Any night that I know that is a night that I will sleep well.

Tonight I will sleep brilliantly.

Tit jobs and shit bombs

First of all, let me say that's my sister's intervention went well on Sunday. We all went out to lunch at Red Robin and then went back to her house to talk. I thought she gonna be a huge bitch about it, but she was really receptive and it was encouraging. She has an appt. tonight with a psychologist and then another at some (soon) later date with a psychiatrist to discuss the alcolohism and asess her mental state and determine the right rehab for her. I hope it'll be an in-patient 24 hour a day type of thing, for her sake so she can better.

OK, tit jobs...

My sister used to have mini muffin top tits and then one day around the beginning of the year I ghuess I saw her and noticed they were huge (for her). I didn;t want to come right out and ask her, so I asked my Mom who predictably said she had no idea (of course she knew, and I knew better). Then when we went back for my cousin's wedding several of my cousin's remarked on it.

Well...tonight I call my brother just to see what's up and we are discussing the intervention and whatnot and he tells me that the other day he got a call from her and she was drunk and she says, "So you know I got a boob job, right?"

Classic Kimberley, spilling her guts when she's trashed.

Shit bombs...

My friend Chrissy and I were sort of having a potty time convo and she told me about what happened to her Friday night. Apparently, every time she eats spaghetti she gets sick. Well, she went over to a friends house to drop off her dogs and was invited to stay for dinner...which was spaghetti. Well, she figured she'd be fine, since it doesn;t happen every time..... So they ate and went to Happy Harry's to do some shopping and she starts getting a pain. She ended up having to take her friend's car back to the house (since the store's bathroom was out of order) and taking a huge shit.

Well, she drives back to the store and is trying to pick out wrapping paper and she gets another pain. So she finally gets back to the house again and runs in the bathroom and is making all this noise, farting and shitting, and one of her pugs busts the door open and she's in the bathroom with the door open.

She said it was so embarassing because her friend's husband heard everything and SMELLED it later and etc., and she'd kill me if she knew I wrote about it haha

Oh well ;)

What's Happenin' Now

No, this blog isn;t about the TV show from the '70s and '80s, although I do love me some Rerun, with his fatness and his beret, you know he was stylin ;)

No, this is an update of what's gone on over Thanksgiving and since then. Since I've gotten a lot of feedback from flixster kids saying they're reading (where are the comments, bitches? ;) )

But anyway...Wednesdaay night with my brother in law's step sister and her oh-so-must-be dykalicious oily-haired friend was pretty nice actually. They were painfully shy at first. but warmed up and actually spoke.

Thursday was the mess tho.

My sister had evidently stayed up Wednesday night and got drunk and she ended up showing up at my bro's apartment noticably hung over/drunk.

Other than that tho the day was pretty good. Got to see my sister in law's family and meet her brother's new gf who's hilariously loud and opinionated, like I can be sometimes, but not as loud, heheh.

But anyway, Friday, I called my brothwer in law and had a long talk with him and we organized an intervention, which is happening today. More like I gave him the balls to call my parents and get it going.

So, that will be my next blog...how the intervention gies...and I hope it goes well, because i know my brother in law is fed up and will divorce her if shit doesn;t change soon.

Yesterday was Pop N' Fresh's bday (my Dad) so we all went to see a movie (Hotman, eh). Later, Dave (my BIL) told me my sis got trashed again Friday night and fell face flat into a glass table. I don;t know how she managed to not fuck up her face

I love the Holidays!

More later.

Getting it all out

My sister is seven years older than me. When I was young I looked up to her; I thought she wasl and in some ways I wanted to be like her. When I was 9, 10, 11, 12...we used to hang out and do things together. She used to dress me up and take me out with her friends and we'd go downtown and have dinner and walk around and hang out. And I felt special because she didn;t do the same with my older brother who is three years younger than her.

That started to change about the time that I was 13. My sister has been alcoholic to varying degrees for 19 years. And it really hasn;t ever gotten any better, it's just gotten worse.

When I came out to her years ago, our relationship really changed. The night I came out she was very supportive and curious and even excited. But the next day she informed me that she felt betrayed because I had kept a secret from her. Soon after she got a DUI and her living arrangements changed and I saw her a lot more often. I would often come home after a weekend away and gfind her drunk and beligerent and would have to clean up after her.

One night she was mad at me because I was using my computer for a paper I had to write for school and she wanted to get on AOL to chat with a guy she met on there (who ater became her husband). She ended up getting drunk and starting a fight. Made some unforgivable personal attacks on me concerning my homosexuality.

After that I didn;t have much to do with her. But, she's my sister, right? I can't ever totally get away from her.

One night in May of 2004 I went over to her apartment because I needed to get away. This was the first time I was going to be spending any time with her in a long while. Long story short, she got mad at me whehn she realized I knew something she didn;t want me to know, left and got drunk, then came home, thru a fit, and thru me out of her apartment at 2 am when I had no way of getting home.

I guess telling the whole story in kind of pointless. The point is that my sister is a beligerent, hateful drunk, and really a very selfish and horrible person, even when she's sober.

Lately tho she's gotten another DUI (her third that I know of). Since then, nearly every weekend she gets drunk (and sometimes more than once a week). My inept brother in law calls my mother and she goes over and takes so much abuse just trying to clean up after my sister's ungeatful ass.

As I write this, it's happened again. And I hear that she was physically violent towards my mother.

I'm going to be honest. I've seen enough of my sister's behavior to know that she is going to end up dead some way or the other. And, as bad as it sounds, most often nowadays I'm just hoping that it happens soon.

My sister is like cancer, infecting everyone unfortunate enough to stuble too closely. I am a second from completely disowning her.

The thing that kills me is that we all had a great life growing up. I mean, we never wanted for anything. The family wasn;t abusive. We went to good schools, we all had friends. Ya, my dad was kind of a cock, but nothing's perfect.

AND, my sister was the hands down favorite. Given everything to become successful and productive and now she's shitting it away on alcohol.

She had a teaching job, and she was a GOOD teacher. She gave it up, for, as far as I can tell, because they wanted her to switch the grade she taught and she was unwilling to do so. Now she's apparently taking classes at some dermatology school, or some shit. That's when she's not too shitfaced to make it to class.

Wedneasday and Thursday I have to be around her and I know my Mom will want me to pretend everything is fine. But I can;t do that. I don't even want to see her.

Being perfectly honest, I hate her...profoundly. She has no respect for herself or the people around her. I've lost track of the time she's threatened to kill herself...and I sometimes find myself wishing she'd just do it.

But, you see, I know they are empty threats. She doesn;t have the balls to kuill herself on purpose. Plus, everything that she does is for attention.

I refuse to engage her. The best I can do is cut off tcontact and hope for the best. I do want her to get better. I want her to go to rehab. I wantr her to do anything that will make her stop being an utterful hateful, horrible person. But I'm unwilling to subject myself to any more of her abuse.

We will talk to her and she will admit that she has a problem with alcohol and say she needs to do something about it. And then within a few days she'll get trashed again and be passed out in bed the whole next day.

She has no respect for herself or others. I have no respect for her.

I stopped being able to cry years ago. The best I can do is talk and write. I cannot feel, not about this.

Sir Slacksalot

So, I'm still trying to figure out this whole blogspot thing...and by "figure out" I mean I'm hoping one day I'll sign on and it'll look really cool, as if by Magic, because...effort is for losers...and AIM radio is playing Enya and making me really (marsh)mellow and sleepy,

Actually, I kind of hate Enya...but then, if I don;t change the station, I'll start to like it. Enya is like a drug. You know it's bad, but it feels so good. Enya is my Vodka. Vodka in song. Is Enya one person? I don't even know.

Thank god, the song changed...old school Nelly Furtado.

Days totally run together...as they always do. Thanksgiving is in three days and I have a lot of cakes to make by then. Actually, really only two days...Thanksgiving starts Wednesday for me. My brother in law's ever-increasing parade of relatives has sent the latest contingent in the form of his step sister and her friend. Oh, the joy, to sit thru ANOTHER family dinner with my sister. Desperately trying to keep the peace, but wanting to rip her a new asshole. But that's a different blog.

Maybe the step sister will prove amusing...but it's doubtful

Thursday we will all go up to my brother's apartment for TG dinner. I think there will be 14 of us now. The count keeps going up. This is the part I will enjoy. I haven;t seen my sister in law's family in a long time now. Christy's dad reminds me of a butch Dom Deluise. Think about it. It's kind of funny ;)

Must go, more later

Thieving monkeys

Apparently there is a group of monkeys getting all up in people's shit in northeast India, stealing cell phones, breaking into homes and drinking cokes out of the fridge, and slapping bitches in the face! Don't believe me?? Go here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071117/od_afp/indiawildlifeanimalmonkeysoffbeat_071117080843

So, this my first blog post...after having one on MySpace for quite awhile...and I may not even keep it...but I might.

I don't know what I'll write, but tomorrow I'll try to play with the layout, so it doesn;t suck so much....err, something.

YAY, blogs!